When You Give Birth, Nobody Warns You About Mark McGrath. Somebody Really SHOULD Warn You About Mark McGrath.
Remember this awful song? Yeah, me too. The poppy hook. The insipid lyrics. The lead singer who, apparently, was shirt (but not frosted tip) phobic. Oh, 1990′s pop, you never let me down!
I doubleremember this shiny gem because it was the boy’s favorite song for what seemed like 100 years. He used to listen to it on repeat until I thought I would go insane. Until I WISHED for insanity, because being hauled away by the men in white coats would be preferable to the bullshit opening notes that signaled I was about to be tortured for the next four minutes. The song was beyond bad. It was audio ipecac, guaranteed to induce vomiting and, sometimes, even a little bit of diarrhea. But he was obsessed with it, the way four-year-olds get obsessed with things (For the girl, it was Shakira’s “Whenever, Wherever”. But that song, and the “small and humble” breasts mentioned in the lyrics, are a story for another time), and I couldn’t tell him about the vomiting, the diarrhea, the frosted tips. Nope, I just had to shut my whore mouth and take one (right in the ear) for the team.
One day we were riding in the car, listening to the song, when the boy piped up.
“Mom, what’s a ‘ress a sew’?”
“I give up. What is it?”
“Nooooooo! I asking yooooouuuuu!”
“Honey, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Tell me again. What’s it called?”
“‘ress a sew’. The song says ‘Twenty-five years old, my mother got ress a sew’.”
“Oh, no, bubs. It says ‘rest her soul’. ‘Twenty-five years old, my mother god rest her soul’.”
“Oh. What does that mean?”
“It means she died. When someone passes away, you say ‘god rest her soul’. Like going to heaven. Their soul is resting.”
There was a wail from the back seat, followed by a sob.
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“I DON’T WANT YOU TO GOT RESS A SEW!”
Twitter: jennytalia2009
/ May 24 2010
Back in my yeehaw days, I recorded a song called Bedroom Rodeo (I didn’t say I was cool) Miss 4 discovered an old copy and is now (making my ears bleed) running around the house singing…”I wanna bet you Romeo, bet you Romeo” I’m not planning on telling her the truth. Fuck it.
Jenny Talia´s last blog ..video the week
Twitter: L8enough
/ May 24 2010
I’m not sure whether to laugh or send you hate emails for getting that song stuck in my head. You should know shortly.
Alex@LateEnough´s last blog ..I’d Be Much More Popular If I Could Stop Talking
Twitter: LittleRebecca
/ May 24 2010
Thanks for all your stories. I never know what to expect and I like that.
Twitter: pattypunker
/ May 24 2010
*sniff sniff* i hope doesn’t ever worry or have anxiety because he’s too sweet.
when i was young i asked my mom why frankie valli was singing “hawaiian night” and she laughed and said it was “oh what a night.” yeah like it even sounds like THAT.
About 15 years ago a local car commercial jingle asked you over and over to “Go see Cal”, my boy sang that at the top of his lungs as “Pussy Cow”. Yea, that’s close.
linlah´s last blog ..late night with linlah O’linner
linlah -
you must be a southern californian. I grew up with “go see cal” but I called it “go see cow”. haha. man, I’m homesick now.
pattypunker -
my gaffe was Phil Collins’ “Easy Lover”, which I sang as “Easy Mother”. maybe I thought he was talkin’ ’bout Shaft?
Rebecca Little -
thank you for reading them. my thought process is unconventional, for sure, and I’m just glad some people appreciate that.
Alex@LateEnough -
I’m going to sing it to you the next time we hang out. be prepared to change your panties, is all I’m saying.
Jenny Talia -
sounds like you MIGHT want to keep her away from Vegas, with that betting problem she’s got. or take her. because being poor is for those who don’t know how to play the odds.
Twitter: Bellalarrew
/ Jun 1 2010
Thank you for the “awe” moment and the laughter, i needed it today!
Jessica´s last blog ..Oh man
Jessica -
He was so adorable. Also, I haven’t told him that I shared that story. Pretend you don’t know it.