Victoria’s REAL Secret Is Bestiality
I hear the dog gagging on the other side of the room, on the verge of vomiting. I look up from my book and see the teen girl petting her softly and whispering to her, just trying to bring comfort.
“It’s okay. Shhh… Shhh… It’s okay.”
I think to myself, “Wow. She is going to make the perfect college roommate.”
The dog continues to gag, really working on getting something up.
“Okay. Okay. Just throw up if you need to. It’s alright, I’m right here.”
Finally, success. The dog vomits. Well, success is relative, I guess, but the dog seemed to feel better.
The girl gasps.
“OH! MY! GOD! WHAT DID YOU EAT?”
I don’t want to look. This week, already, I’ve had: two sick kids, a schedule change at work that leaves me with less time for mothering, a crazy cat vomit incident, a single digit bank balance, and a flood in our apartment. And it’s only Wednesday. I absolutely CANNOT look at the dog puke. Nope. Sorry. Can’t do it.
“Mom! Look! What IS this??”
Crap. What can I do? I look.
It’s my last pair of fancy panties.
T.S. Eliot was right. April is the cruelest month.
HeatherVonsj@gmail.com
Twitter: laels_mom
/ Apr 22 2010
Your dog is bad ass, my dogs only chew my undies they never actually EAT them. LOL!!
.-= Keyona´s last blog ..Question Of The Week =-.
Twitter: pattypunker
/ Apr 22 2010
spitters are quitters. (oh that was bad, even i’m disgusted with my own crudeness)
seriously, may will be here soon and we’ll get you some new fancy panties.
.-= pattypunker´s last blog ..flogging patty =-.
Twitter: Soulprncs3
/ Apr 22 2010
You ain’t kidding about April. She beez a bitch. Your daughter is much nicer than me. Hell, you are much nicer than me. When I hear that the dog is going to puke I chase him out of my house.
.-= SoMo´s last blog ..Amatuer Doctors, They are all Around Us. =-.
Twitter: L8enough
/ Apr 22 2010
I throw my puking cats out too SoMo.
And I wish your daughter had been MY college roommate. My friends weren’t nearly as nice. And although I don’t feel better about my week, it’s a bummer that yours sucked too. Stupid TS Eliot.
.-= Alex´s last blog ..Going Green: Earth Day Tips for Lazy People =-.
Twitter: mommakiss
/ Apr 22 2010
My dog pukes. A lot. And has eaten underwear and socks. A lot. But they never come back up. The puke is never that fun – just dog chow and bile.
.-= MommaKiss´s last blog ..Running. Again. =-.
Twitter: thecoastalchick
/ Apr 22 2010
Our dogs must be related. Honestly. Did you piss off the dog? When I piss off my dog she eats my panties…many many sets of panties from my laundry. Gone a week on vacation …she ate every pair she could find. Damn bitch. I think I would prefer vomit… cleaning up the lawn has been a treat this week (and a lot of explaining to the kids!)
Thank God your daughter is a rock star. Hope your week gets better!
.-= Coastal Chick´s last blog ..East vs West =-.
Twitter: bitethebedbugs
/ Apr 22 2010
Shit. THAT right there was the laugh I freaking needed. My dog eats my undies too, which I guess means she might be gay. I think I’ll write about that and then join that parents of gay dogs society. Oh there isn’t one? Sweet, I can be the founding member, you can be the VP.
.-= tara´s last blog ..In the Nighttime I Want to Eat Tacos =-.
Twitter: onSanity
/ Apr 23 2010
I see your sick kid and match your housing issues with NO HOT WATER. Raise you an IUT and an internet fraud scam…..
oh yeah, and the cherry on the cake, my TV remote is broken and can’t get it fixed cause I don’t understand Dutch and can’t get through to actual people on the phone lines…….
just saying
Twitter: wendyly
/ Apr 27 2010
Ick. That’s why I have outside dogs. If they want to eat undies, they’ll have to take some off of someone’s clothesline.
.-= wendy´s last blog ..I added to my hate list today =-.