The Weight I’m Still Carrying Is From A Baby Named Krispy Kreme
I see them everywhere I go. Walking around the grocery store. In restaurants. In department store dressing rooms. At the neighborhood pool. They’re women who aren’t quite comfortable with the size of their bodies. They tug at their clothing, uncomfortably, which they wear big and loose in the hopes that it will hide what’s underneath. Or they hunch over, trying to become smaller and less-visible because if people can’t see you, they can’t judge you. I want to hug them and tell them that it’s okay. That they are beautiful. That no one else can even SEE the flaws that they are so desperately trying to cover.
Anyone in publishing can tell you that some of the best selling issues of ladymags (barf) are the ones that shout from the glossy cover about celebrity moms losing baby weight. Heidi Klum walking the Victoria’s Secret runway just five weeks later? No prob! Bring on the lace thong! And Tori had never been on a diet a day in her life but had to join NutriSystem after having her son because, and I quote, “I was huge!” Julia didn’t do anything special to lose her baby weight but she DOES “run a lot of errands on foot” and indulge her craving for “whole grain pancakes, no butter or syrup”. Are you kidding me with that shit, Julia? Do you have any friends at all? Who can stand you?
How is this an acceptable standard to set for normal moms? You know, those of us who have ten pound babies (oh, yes. yes, I did.) then go home to a dirty house (understandable, I HAVE been busy giving birth for two whole days!) to care for our own newborns, cook our own meals, and nap slash recuperate from the most traumatic thing our bodies have ever been through for fifteen minutes at a time while the kid rests but only those fifteen minuteses (note: totally a word.) that we don’t have to wash tiny, shitty onesies or tiny bottles or regular, adult size toilets?
I guess my point is that having a child expands you. It expands your mind, it expands your heart, it expands your ass. And, while they don’t all qualify as Hollywood and photo-friendly, two outta three ain’t bad.
Twitter: subWOW
/ Mar 8 2010
HEAR HEAR!
Heidi Klum. I can’t even talk about her…
Twitter: _sidetracked_
/ Mar 9 2010
so true, thank you. you are awesome!
i’m convinced Heidi is not human
Yep, my heart, my mind, and my belly have expanded. My ass actually shrunk, but that pooch is here to stay. And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with my stretch marks and the one black-as-night hair that now grows from the exact middle of my chest, right where a necklace would fall. I’m okay with that, because I got something way more awesome that totally, completely makes up for it.
Twitter: Soulprncs3
/ Mar 9 2010
Fuck yeah!!! That seals it. I am getting that cheeseburger I am dying for, for lunch. And I am eating some of the brownies I made for the little aliens that clawed their way out of my gut. Who cares if it has been 7.5 months since the last one crawled out and I am in still in maternity pants?
Okay, I care, but not as much to eat whole grain pancakes with no butter or syrup. No wonder those skinny bitches are so grumpy.
When I was pregnant with twins I bought a journal to “celebrate and record the funny things you say and do”. My first entry was “All you do is eat and cry and all I do is eat and cry”.
Loved this blog (as always brava).
Almost 10 years after the fact, I’m still not comfortable with my stretch-marked, saggy stomach. I try to get all Moses about it, then Cosmo attacks me from the check out line. Sigh
My kid is 5, but my belly still thinks he’s in there — except it’s saggy now. Oh well. I actually like whole-grain pancakes, but, honey, bring on the butter and syrup! and maybe chocolate chips too.
Catherine – Oh, I ain’t hatin’ on the ‘cakes, I’m hatin’ on the ‘tude. Though I’m a bigger waffle fan. And I still get weird, fluttery, kicky-like feelings. Fifteen years later.
Heather, QOSS – Cosmo is a self-esteem grenade. The only thing that heals is a giant cupcake. Trust me.
ellen – That. Is. Brilliant. I’m so glad we connected. The internet: where finding kindred spirits is almost as good as porn.
soulprncs2 – You know why else they are grumpy? They all slept with Oscar Mayer, thinking it was John Mayer. PUNK’D! Maternity pants fo’ eva!
Lindsy – I am also assless. We should start a club.