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The Queerest Of The Queer

August 18, 2017

Im never sure how far into a friendship to reveal that I am actually a teensy bit, well, off. Not in a Oh, how cute, shes a wacky, silly, magical sprite of a girl way, but more of a Holy crap, there are people who actually think those things and are WALKING AROUND FREE AS A BIRD way. About half of the people I warn are like I wont judge you. You can tell me anything, and regret that decision soon after. Half arent listening because they just got an iPhone 4 and omgitssoamazingIcantevenbelieveit and I quickly and quietly drop my crazy bomb so that later I can say that I told them and the horrified face they are currently making is their own fault. Their. Own. Fault.

I think that everybody entertains the odd notion from time to time. But most of you are smart enough not to admit to the short circuit in your brain that makes you hear voices, see things that arent there, or buy Ke$ha cds. I, however, dont know how not to share every single thought that crosses my mind like so much emotional diarrhea. I am an open book that wont. fucking. shut.

Today I wanted to write you an email about some stuff but didnt because Im afraid youll find out Im totally crazy.

Ill listen

I just want to be friends with you for a little longer before I reveal that I think I might be invisible or one of my other thousands of crazies. Today, though, invisibility.

well, I think everyones prone to being invisible from time to time.

It wasnt I feel invisible in an After School Special kind of way. Actually invisible.

THEN I was driving home from a friends house and the stoplight wouldnt change, even though I was sitting there. It took 7 minutes. I was like oh Im not invisible, I dont exist!

like youre patrick swayze in ghost. but not a ghost. And not patrick swayze.

Just to be clear, most of the time Im PRETTY SURE that people can see me. But dont get me started on my theory that gravity is different for me than everyone else.

as in you can float from time to time. because if you can, thats fucking awesome.

Stop reading my mind! Also, I read minds. Sometimes. You wont believe it and then youll be like why did you just say that? thats exactly what I was thinking and Ill just say I know. Mostly, people hate it.

Hmm

And its more like gravitys hold on me is tenuous and I might come untethered and float into space at any moment. Hahaha. I am Girl, Interrupted.

Thats right, invisibility, existentialism, gravity-defying, and ESP in one conversation. Yes, Im a superhero. But Im also nuts. Wait, maybe thats my angle. Can you fly in a straightjacket and peepants?

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