The Queerest Of The Queer
I’m never sure how far into a friendship to reveal that I am actually a teensy bit, well, off. Not in a “Oh, how cute, she’s a wacky, silly, magical sprite of a girl” way, but more of a “Holy crap, there are people who actually think those things and are WALKING AROUND FREE AS A BIRD” way. About half of the people I warn are like “I won’t judge you. You can tell me anything,” and regret that decision soon after. Half aren’t listening because they just got an iPhone 4 and omgitssoamazingIcantevenbelieveit and I quickly and quietly drop my crazy bomb so that later I can say that I told them and the horrified face they are currently making is their own fault. Their. Own. Fault.
I think that everybody entertains the odd notion from time to time. But most of you are smart enough not to admit to the short circuit in your brain that makes you hear voices, see things that aren’t there, or buy Ke$ha cds. I, however, don’t know how not to share every single thought that crosses my mind like so much emotional diarrhea. I am an open book that won’t. fucking. shut.
Today I wanted to write you an email about some stuff but didn’t because I’m afraid you’ll find out I’m totally crazy.
I just want to be friends with you for a little longer before I reveal that I think I might be invisible or one of my other thousands of crazies. Today, though, invisibility.
well, I think everyone’s prone to being invisible from time to time.
It wasn’t “I feel invisible” in an After School Special kind of way. Actually invisible.
THEN I was driving home from a friend’s house and the stoplight wouldn’t change, even though I was sitting there. It took 7 minutes. I was like “oh I’m not invisible, I don’t exist!”
like you’re patrick swayze in ghost. but not a ghost. And not patrick swayze.
Just to be clear, most of the time I’m PRETTY SURE that people can see me. But don’t get me started on my theory that gravity is different for me than everyone else.
as in you can float from time to time. because if you can, that’s fucking awesome.
Stop reading my mind! Also, I read minds. Sometimes. You won’t believe it and then you’ll be like “why did you just say that? that’s exactly what I was thinking” and I’ll just say “I know”. Mostly, people hate it.
And it’s more like gravity’s hold on me is tenuous and I might come untethered and float into space at any moment. Hahaha. I am Girl, Interrupted.
That’s right, invisibility, existentialism, gravity-defying, and ESP in one conversation. Yes, I’m a superhero. But I’m also nuts. Wait, maybe that’s my angle. Can you fly in a straightjacket and peepants?