The Queerest Of The Queer
I’m never sure how far into a friendship to reveal that I am actually a teensy bit, well, off. Not in a “Oh, how cute, she’s a wacky, silly, magical sprite of a girl” way, but more of a “Holy crap, there are people who actually think those things and are WALKING AROUND FREE AS A BIRD” way. About half of the people I warn are like “I won’t judge you. You can tell me anything,” and regret that decision soon after. Half aren’t listening because they just got an iPhone 4 and omgitssoamazingIcantevenbelieveit and I quickly and quietly drop my crazy bomb so that later I can say that I told them and the horrified face they are currently making is their own fault. Their. Own. Fault.
I think that everybody entertains the odd notion from time to time. But most of you are smart enough not to admit to the short circuit in your brain that makes you hear voices, see things that aren’t there, or buy Ke$ha cds. I, however, don’t know how not to share every single thought that crosses my mind like so much emotional diarrhea. I am an open book that won’t. fucking. shut.
Today I wanted to write you an email about some stuff but didn’t because I’m afraid you’ll find out I’m totally crazy.
I’ll listen…
I just want to be friends with you for a little longer before I reveal that I think I might be invisible or one of my other thousands of crazies. Today, though, invisibility.
well, I think everyone’s prone to being invisible from time to time.
It wasn’t “I feel invisible” in an After School Special kind of way. Actually invisible.
…
THEN I was driving home from a friend’s house and the stoplight wouldn’t change, even though I was sitting there. It took 7 minutes. I was like “oh I’m not invisible, I don’t exist!”
like you’re patrick swayze in ghost. but not a ghost. And not patrick swayze.
Just to be clear, most of the time I’m PRETTY SURE that people can see me. But don’t get me started on my theory that gravity is different for me than everyone else.
as in you can float from time to time. because if you can, that’s fucking awesome.
Stop reading my mind! Also, I read minds. Sometimes. You won’t believe it and then you’ll be like “why did you just say that? that’s exactly what I was thinking” and I’ll just say “I know”. Mostly, people hate it.
Hmm…
And it’s more like gravity’s hold on me is tenuous and I might come untethered and float into space at any moment. Hahaha. I am Girl, Interrupted.
That’s right, invisibility, existentialism, gravity-defying, and ESP in one conversation. Yes, I’m a superhero. But I’m also nuts. Wait, maybe that’s my angle. Can you fly in a straightjacket and peepants?
HeatherVonsj@gmail.com
Twitter: BettyFokker
/ Aug 18 2010
Yes, we are destined for each other. Sometimes … I am too visible so we are like matter/antimatter!
Betty Fokker´s last [type] ..Pondering Va-jay-jay
Twitter: MFA_Mama
/ Aug 18 2010
*stomps foot*
Why haven’t *I* gotten the crazy-talk, dammit!
MFA Mama´s last [type] ..BlogHer gossip
Twitter: mecarol
/ Aug 19 2010
I usually just let the crazy unfurl, like a flower blooming.
mecarol´s last [type] ..Ode to My Second-Born Son
I like to let my crazy seep out just a little bit at a time. That way, by the time they figure out that I am ACTUALLY FUCKING INSANE, it’s too late and they’re stuck with me because it would just be awkward to stop talking to me now.
Fun fact: That’s also the story of how I got engaged.
Being invisible is really cool, ‘cept not when you’re driving. You should really learn to master that one. Let me know when you learn x-ray vision…THAT would be fun.
I’ve already mastered crazy, though.
Ashley at Bosssanders.com´s last [type] ..Chore Charts and Homeschooling
Twitter: dangermousette
/ Aug 19 2010
I wouldn’t worry about being nuts if I was you. I mean, being invisible is about as cool as it gets (you could sneak into your neighbours’ house and steal stuff without them knowing). If you weren’t nuts, you wouldn’t get that chance.
Annie (Lady M) x´s last [type] ..Oh no- not again
I seriously think the crazy makes me like you more. Of course, I’m only getting selected tidbits. More, please.
Twitter: PeggySueCusses
/ Aug 19 2010
You may be a little nutty but do you take meds for being nutty? Cause if not I got ya beat. I take meds and I am STILL nutty! My nutty comes out and sneaks up on you at times when you least expect it. I usually shock ppl with the shit I am willing to say out loud on front of other breathing talking ppl. I say what pops into my head. There’s no such thing as holding your tongue with me. I can’t hold it. I don’t even try.
I just randomly found this while looking up stuff about Richmond. What’s creepy…. is just today I was thinking I was either invisible or didn’t exist when a bird came thisclose to clipping my head off and then an older woman walked directly into me when I was out for a run. So you are not the only crazy one out there! There are more of us with these same wacky thoughts, running free.
Twitter: pattypunker
/ Aug 19 2010
sanity bores the daylights out of me.
pattypunker´s last [type] ..fuckit10
I used to dream all the time about being able to fly, then I’d wake up and not be able to figure out why I couldn’t do it in “real life.” I’m determined that one day I’ll just push off and be soaring anywhere I want to go. It feels so REAL – it’s just got to be real. Maybe it’s just another dimension we visit from time to time. It would also explain your invisibility. Just a thought.
physicsmom –
I KNOW! It’s the same way I feel about the gravity thing. Every moment is the moment just before I float away. Oh. My crazy is showing.
pattypunker -
Then I am your dream girl.
Jenn –
Hey, new best friend! I promise to tell you that I can see you any time you need it.
Peggy Brister -
No meds for the past few years. They made me unfunny and I decided I’d rather battle the crazybeast. Filters are overrated.
jen -
More? The kids know some of my crazy and, if I’m staring at someone (I am a looker-too-longerer), my daughter will whisper, “Mom, you’re NOT invisible. Be polite.”
Annie (Lady M) x -
Right now I just watch them through their blinds, just in case.
Ashley at Bosssanders.com -
If you’ve mastered crazy, I’ll work on eccentric. I wouldn’t want to step on any toes.
Sara -
Tricking people into relationships is my specialty. I’m sane as hell until they say “I love you”.
mecarol -
A beautiful, crazy flower. Like my vagina.
MFA Mama -
With the two of us, we make a crazy sammich!
Betty Fokker -
It’s true, I DO see you. Then again, I’m off my rocker.
Many, many times I thought something and then it happened! Or I’d be driving and the street lamp would burn out right as I drove under it!
When I was little, I used to think that if I couldn’t see anybody, then they couldn’t see me! That, I KNOW, was just my youthful imagination, but I think I have some cosmic gifts like you…I may be filtered, but still effin’ crazy nonetheless!!
Twitter: ducksdontquack
/ Aug 21 2010
What about the one where your life is a television show, because there is no way that half of the things that actually happened to you could have actually happened. Of course this means that everyone in your life is paid to be there which is kind of awkward. Oh, wait that’s my life.
clearly we should be best friends
will you please stop fucking around?
auldus´s last [type] ..this is only for two people
Twitter: cheeselessmom
/ Aug 22 2010
now just think… what if you didn’t have these “crazies” what the hell would you have to write about and keep us coming back to read? I am a self proclaimed crazy person who thinks she can “hear” earthquakes before they happen… that’s just one out of about 25 of my super secret-secret things….
<3
Jaime-Ann´s last [type] ..New Friend Friday 8-20 FF
Twitter: adhocmom
/ Aug 23 2010
I believe that crazy makes the world go round. We can’t be complex without crazy. We can’t be funny without crazy. I’ve met you and I think you are both and, also, that you rock!