TCG’s Greatest Hits: On Savages And Baby Tees
For those of you who don’t know, I began my illustrious (illustrious means “eating cold, leftover kung pao chicken while wearing dirty pajamas”, right?) writing career by chronicling my adventures in retail at the blog, The Checkout Girl. The site is offline for now, but the thought of my stories sitting around, collecting dust, makes me sad, so I’ll be sharing my favorites here, on Mondays.
About a year and a half ago, I was the checkout girl at a mall clothing store. I prefer not to say exactly which one, but it rhymes with Cold Gravy. Though grocery is my specialty, it was great not to wear a uniform for a while, and a really easy job.
One weekday, I was stuck on fitting room duty and, no doubt, drooling from boredom, when a customer finally came in. She had a ton of clothes draped over her arm, and was accompanied by a friend with an equally giant haul. While the rule was six items at a time, I didn’t care enough to stop them and they seemed like they were having a total hoot so I just let them in. As they tried on things and modeled them for each other, they asked me what I thought and, generally, were very nice. One ran to Starbucks at the other end of the mall, and brought back mochas, including one for me. I liked these ladies. As I was trading out some of their items for different sizes, I looked at one and said, “Has anyone ever told you that you look like Laura Linney?” When she threw back her head and laughed, I realized to whom I was talking and was mortified. I tried to play it cool, thinking, “I must be crazy, why in the world would Laura Linney be in a crappy mall in Richmond, VA?” The fashion show ended, and they insisted on helping me fold and hang everything before leaving, taking with them quite a few cute outfits. I tried telling a couple of coworkers about it, but none of them even knew who I was talking about. Later that night, I saw on the news that David Morse, Paul Giamatti, and Laura Linney were in town to film John Adams. While I am from Southern California and have met a few celebrities (and spotted quite a few more), none of them had ever bought me a caffeinated beverage before. I was floored.
In the end, I left that job because I had a total pill for a manager. One time he actually stood and *timed* me while I folded tshirts. I walked out and told him that I would be back after he apologized for his appalling behavior. He did. Eventually, he told me that I should find another job because I wasn’t comfortable pushing the crappy store credit card that carried a ridiculously high interest rate. “Well, that’s your job,” he told me, “and if you can’t do your job, you can’t work here.” And so I didn’t.
HeatherVonsj@gmail.com
Twitter: dangermousette
/ Aug 9 2010
Your boss timed you folding shirts? What an arsehole. Love the story about Laura Linney!!
Twitter: BettyFokker
/ Aug 9 2010
You make even jobs with craptastic mangers interesting. My time working for butt-munchers would never make for a good read.
Twitter: alittlebitrock
/ Aug 9 2010
Ahhh! We were Gap Inc. comrades! I was a a Banana bitch, and before that I worked for Men’s Express during college. I worked with fun people but it was a boring-ass job (though sometimes I found folding the sweater wall therapeutic). I had a news anchor come into the store once, try on a thousand things, and leave them all in a heap without buying anything. Laura Linney sounds like she’s alright.
Twitter: Elisa_Ashley
/ Aug 9 2010
The sign of a good writer is the ability to turn anything into a fun, credible read. You totally rock!
Elisa -
The oldest entries were written almost two years ago and I can definitely see how my writing has changed with daily practice. Thanks!
Andrea -
I have a few anchors that shop at the store where I’m currently working. It’s grocery, so they rarely leave things in heaps. But, they DO breeze. Breeze in, breeze to the meat counter, breeze through the line. It’s like they’re made of wind. And spray tan.
Betty Fokker -
I respectfully disagree, I think you COULD make butt-munchers a good read. Butt-munchers lend themselves to that, my friend.
Annie (Lady M) x -
When I was a manager, I had a rule: Never ask someone to do something I wouldn’t do, myself. Of course, I wasn’t fighting my own latent homosexuality and a hardcore cologne addiction.
i love saying “greatest hits.”
Twitter: laurenacarlton
/ Aug 9 2010
FUCK I hate retail. It’s easy and hard at the same time. It doesn’t require much brain power to work retail but you have to put up with a ton of bullshit. And 0ld N4vy? Boo. (I didn’t write the actual name so that no one will find this post doing a search for the brand just in case).
BTW I love you.
That might be the best celeb sighting ever!
Very cool story.
Twitter: pattypunker
/ Aug 11 2010
laura linney encounter = 8
fuck yeah motherhood encounter = 10 (i wish we had spent more time together at blogher. sigh.)
I worked in retail, and it was definitely an easy job but UGH so fucking boring. Plus we had to listen to the top 20 station on XM radio and JESUSCHRIST if I heard Fergilicious one more time, I would have had to stab myself in the face.
I met someone at BlogHer who looked exactly like Laura Linney at age 30. Random comment, but how often are Laura Linney lookalike sightings actually topical???
Also, I once had a friend pull the “did you know you look like” gaffe on Sandra Day O’Connor. Awesome.
And sorry to miss a sighting of YOU at BlogHer…. Hope you had a great time.
Twitter: mamabirddiaries
/ Aug 12 2010
Wow. Your boss sounds like a major jerk.
I’ve always loved Laura Linney.
Great to meet you at BlogHer!
I worked at a bunch of mall stores. Once at the Express I changed the god awful music to Nine Inch Nails and Bigod 20. It did not go over as well as I hoped. Obviously those assholes don’t know music.
Stumbled across your blog—how can you not click with a blog name like that!?!
Love it.
Mike -
Thanks. My life has been full of little adventures.
TwoWishes Tara -
I also accidentally “you look like”d Gene Simmons at Sea World. I am fond of the taste of my foot.
Life Well Meant -
Pfft! White people.
Twitter: bollbach
/ Sep 7 2010
Don’t worry, I signed up for that crappy store credit card to get 20% off a big haul of hippie skirts and I pay that bitch on time every month. I’m getting points and discounts with zero cost to me so I’m sticking it to them the best I can.