Sunday Bloody Sunday
As I’ve mentioned, I am no good at having my period. I’m silly, I’m scatterbrained, I’m not really what you would call a “planner”. If I don’t even know the day of the week, how can I be expected to know what day of my cycle it is?
Each period, it’s like I’m eleven years old again and bleeding for the first time. Why don’t I ever have any idea that it’s coming? I mean, I’ve had it almost every month for approximately 26 years. THAT’S OVER 300 PERIODS! Still, it surprises me every time.
Yesterday, my daughter sent a text message from the girls’ bathroom at school. I knew it was an emergency, since she’s not allowed to text during class. She was panicked. She needed supplies. That’s right, I’ve raised one just like me.
My heart softened. My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (it’s Easter, I work with flowers, you figure it out) was suddenly less so, as I switched into mom mode.
“I need clean pants and tampons” she wrote.
“Would you rather just come home and forget about the whole day?” I typed back, totally sympathetic to the situation. How could I not be?
I abruptly left work and ran to the high school to rescue her from the nurse’s office. She was teary.
“I didn’t know it would be today” she sniffed and I died a little.
I told her I understood and shared the fact that I have ruined a countless number of panties, pants, and sheets in my day. I told her that she comes by it honestly. She seemed to feel better. You know, underneath the mortification.
I told her to mark her calendar and that, after 6 months or so, she’d have a pretty good idea what to expect. I didn’t add that I learned to map my period from a high school teacher who, hands tied by the state when it came to teaching contraception, unofficially gave us calendars and a hand out that detailed the rhythm method. Judging by the fact that I have two children and no good panties left, I’ve gotten away from it.
Like me, I don’t know that she will ever be the girl to get it together when it comes to ladytime. I just want her to know that she’ll be okay, even if she doesn’t. And warn her not to invest in fancy sheets.
HeatherVonsj@gmail.com
Twitter: OHmommy
/ Apr 6 2010
True story. (Your the 2nd person I told this to, because I am still hibernating from embarrassment). I’m 33 and our new neighbors invited us over for on Sunday for a Easter brunch.
I wore the cutest spring pencil skirt – very light and spring-y and so pretty. The kids were all getting along famously and the adults sat around the table talking forever. I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. Excused myself. Turned my back to them. And went in the bathroom.
Holy shit, Batman. I looked in the mirror and saw a bloody stain the size of a fucking grapefruit on my floral skirt. Never in my entire life has this happened. I texted my husband. “Psst. Bathroom. Stat.” I made him get my toddler – which I pinched so she would start crying so that I could leave the brunch early.
I died. I haven’t left the house – except for jumping in my car and going.
I will remember this and I will be totally sympathetic when my daughters are going through it. Oh my the embarrassment.
.-= OHmommy´s last blog ..Making sure we get into the poshest of old-folks homes =-.
Twitter: OHmommy
/ Apr 6 2010
You are. Not Your. Sorry – I’m having my morning caffeine right now.
.-= OHmommy´s last blog ..Making sure we get into the poshest of old-folks homes =-.
That is the shit. I had the same hs experience and was home for 2 days because it was so mortifying. State legislature needs to account for that when they decide how many days you can miss.
The good news for big girls like us is ‘endometrial ablation’. Google it. Tell your Gy about it and get it. I did it in december and haven’t bought a feminine product since. But the other day I was looking for something and searched every purse I had – and the stash I would carry on a daily basis. OMG.
Check it out and give that girl a hug….xooxoxo
I’m glad there are other people like this out there. I always thought I was a horrible woman because I couldn’t remember… So many wonderfully embarassing moments because of this freaking issue.
Twitter: jennytalia2009
/ Apr 6 2010
and when it doesn’t come, you’re pregnant
either way it sucks arse
JT
x
Maybe she could keep some tampons hidden in her backpack and set a calendar reminder on her cell phone for a day or two before? My killer cramps always give me the heads-up, so maybe that’s something to be thankful for – that neither of you have killer cramps beforehand? My gyno said “chin up, only 20 more years of menstruating!” And then I slapped her. Not really, but I wanted to.
Dude, use monthlyinfo.com. You mark the days your period starts and it’ll figure out how long your cycle is on average (it even gives you a standard deviation, not like I actually know what that is… but still) and tell you when you’re most likely ovulating. Plus you can set it up to email you before it’s supposed to start. I have mine set up to email me two days before, so I can be prepared beforehand just in case it starts early. And I get menstrual migraines so I have another reminder set to warn me about those 3-4 days before. I have not been surprised in like 8 months because of that. GENIUS.
.-= seven´s last blog ..ohmyseven: @av3ry Hahahaha. It’s so true. Why? WHYYYYYYYYY?!? =-.
Lime green pants, a big red stain and having to walk home, I feel her pain.
Twitter: laurenacarlton
/ Apr 6 2010
I have BEEN THERE. My periods were irregular from the get-go but luckily when I was a teenager it always came while I was asleep.
HOWEVER, they were pretty heavy and I was a devout tampon user. One day during class I started to feel a little… damp. And I panicked. I went to the bathroom and OHMYFUCKINGGOD there was blood on the back of my grey skirt. That means that everyone in my class saw it. I cleaned up and tied my jacket around my waist and went back to class and before I sat down I noticed that my chair had been bloodied too.
Needless to say I stopped wearing skirts while I was menstruating.
Seven – and I am their newest member. thanks for the tip and welcome!
Twitter: thecoastalchick
/ Apr 7 2010
Thank you for this post! My 9 and 1/2..yup you read that right..my little girl is already getting pimples and other bits ( or as she likes to call it butt hair – lovely) is already worried about her period and we are prepping. I “developed” early and will not tell my daughter to just “tie a coat around your waist and walk home” when she has this issue. Therapy didn’t help – can you tell? Anyway, nice to know there are Moms out there who can relate and maybe have this all figured out before I have to help my little one!
Mine, the mall, pink Ditto’s, I just showed my age…..Ditto’s.
Awful, had a friend call my Mom (no cell phones back then) and waited in the bathroom till she showed up. I had bad periods so thankfully I had to go on the pill so after that I knew exactly when it was showing up!
The Pill. It is genius. I love it. I know exactly when I’m going to get my period and exactly when it’s going to leave. If you’re anti-fake hormones, I second monthlyinfo.com. Before the pill, I relied on black underwear and dark wash jeans during the days leading up to flo.
Oh my goodness. It happens to the best of us. The calendar idea is a good one. My best to her…..
.-= Not There Yet´s last blog ..The Mid-West =-.
Twitter: pattypunker
/ Apr 7 2010
me also. still ruining panties every month and i, too, passed this genetic fuckmound on to my daughter. i keep thinking i’m going to invent the disposable panty. don’t steal it!
.-= pattypunker´s last blog ..happy easter a la patty punker =-.
Dude. How could I think I was the only one this happens to? Every freaking month. Feeling a little better about it now. And monthlyinfo.com? Damn, my girls are going to have it so easy in ten or so years. I am going to sign up on that website your commentor suggested now, and then maybe I can stop texting my co-workers from the bathroom asking them to bring me a quarter.
.-= Kari´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
Twitter: mrsnotouching
/ Apr 8 2010
When my friend’s daughter got her first period she took a day off, pulled her daughter out of school and went to … celebrate it! I remember thinking… that was crazy, but now that I have a girl and a period that lasts 7 days (SEVEN!) plus a week of PMS… I know I will have to work hard at having a positive attitude and teaching her not to hate it. For now I just keep getting pregnant… but eventually I will need to figure out a better way to deal with it.
.-= mrs.notouching´s last blog ..Easter FAIL =-.
I was 18 before I realized that not everyone had a 7 day period. When I told my mom that not everyone had a period for 7 days, she was like, OMG, mine only lasts 4, has yours always lasted 7? How does your MOM not know how long your period is? She was like, I knew I was buying a lot of products, I just thought you changed every 2 hours.
And while I’m in a community of people who can talk about their periods, can we get a post on the bodacious cramps and how that leads to a desire spend the entire day in the bathroom?
Twitter: MFAMama
/ Apr 8 2010
Oh that poor kid
When I was a spring chicken my cycle was like clockwork but thanks to a then-undiagnosed bleeding disorder I still suffered plenty of bloody public embarrassment. There is no winning at womanhood
Twitter: hessleman
/ Apr 8 2010
Well, this never really happened to me until I got peri-menopausal, and then, lordy! Several days a month running my household from the bathroom and not going anywhere without a monstrous pad in place!! So, all you young ‘uns have got that to look forward to! But tell your daughter, I once lost a pad–somehow–onto the floor in high school. I was wearing pants. Still not exactly sure how that happened. On second thought, don’t tell her. Poor thing’s been through enough!
I guess girls don’t carry purses at school? (I have boys.) They always have their backpacks though, right? Emergency supplies! I still carry ‘em even though I’m approaching that magical one year mark of no periods. (Am old, in case ya hadn’t guessed!)
I feel for her. We have all gone through it! Why hasn’t anyone asked the obvious…..why was your daughter at school on easter Sunday?
Chris – that’s what I get for writing a blog post one day and posting it on another!
Twitter: Kernut
/ Apr 9 2010
OMG.. this brings back horrid memories. I feel for your daughter, you and the gals who commented before me. F*.
From the age of 13 onward I was raised by my father. We just never talked about these things. Kinda sucked being the only girl and having to figure it out on your own. After several similar mishaps and ruined clothes, I went to some place that taught me how to chart my cycle. I’m as regular as a clock so it’s easy for me. The fear of a visible mishap haunts me into near perfect accuracy. LOL
.-= Kernut´s last blog ..Sex in Carson City: My Trip to The Brothels =-.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcP-xtMSrlw
Twitter: mommakiss
/ Apr 13 2010
I’m very ‘off cycle’ these days thanks to the glory of birth control pills. Not to mention my hubband is snipped, I take those drugs so that the Shining doesn’t have to rear it’s ugly head.
Also – makes me very very glad I only have boys and will only need to discuss wet dreams and inappropriate boners.
.-= MommaKiss´s last blog ..Is that a plunger in your hand, or…. =-.
I second monthlyinfo.com!
.-= Lindsay´s last blog ..New in March: Mini edition hand-customized calling cards =-.
Even when I’m aware my period has started, I am often too lazy to note when a tampon needs changing, so I still ruin clothes after 32 years of menses. This regularly makes me feel like an idiot.