Have It Your Way. I Just Hope That Your Way Includes Bodily Fluids.
Sitting in the drive-thru of a fine fast food establishment, I was feeling well enough to put on pants and leave the house for the first time in four days. All I wanted was an iced tea.
I had just picked up the kids from school. I told them that dinner was cooking at home and asked if they wanted something to drink. Neither did. Pulling up to the menu, the boy yelled out.
“Wait! I DO want a drink! What do they have?”
A female voice came through the speaker and asked to take my order.
“Oh, hi. Can you hold on a sec?”
I turned to the back seat.
“They have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper…”
“Gimme the P.”
“Gimme the P.”
From the passenger seat, the girl piped up.
“He wants a hot piss of pee.”
I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was the virus, maybe it was cabin fever, maybe I was just tired. We quote Family Guy constantly in our house. It SHOULD NOT have been this funny.
I giggled. Then I laughed. Then I belly laughed. Then I snorted. Then I couldn’t breathe and big tears rolled down my face. I made a squealing noise.
Cars were lining up behind us. I knew I had to order.
“Okay…we’re..ready.” I choked.
There wasn’t a trace of amusement in the employee’s voice as I gasped, trying to communicate. Finally, she understood.
On the short drive between speaker and window, the girl chimed in again.
“Oh noo! Now you’re covered in my hot pee!”
It started all over. It was so bad that I could barely hand the cashier my money.
Moral Of The Story: Pretty sure I drank spit tonight. And maybe some hot pee.