Dear Mom: Don’t Read This Post. Love, Me
So, one of the lovely women I met in person at BlogHer, but was already a fan of, asked if I would take home a, ahem, marital aid that she was pimping, and then link to the, ahem, marital aid company on my site. Now, as much as I’d sell out like an American Idol contestant for so much as a sandwich, that sort of thing is usually not my cup of tea. Believe it or not, I’m awkwardly sex goddessy enough that I’ve been asked before and politely declined, by which I meant haven’t returned any of the emails I’ve received. However, I lovelovelove Sandy at ToyWithMe.com on a deeply personal level, PLUS she held a demo model against my arm and I felt the power of her buzzing beauty and I just couldn’t resist. Plus, she’s a redhead so, you know, me-ow.
Here’s the link (the only requirement): we-vibe.com
This here’s all Jen: Dudes, this vibrator is so amazing that you’ll think “Whatever, FYM, we know you’re easy so why should we trust you? I’m mean, WE’RE not easy” but you’d totally be missing out. It’s all buzzy on the inside AND the outside and I need A LOT of buzz because I maybe self love kind of frequently and it’s got power to spare. The site SAYS the we-vibe is for couples and I see how it could be and would be just fab but I’m not currently in a humping relationship so I didn’t try it out for a long time, just waiting for Prince Charming to ride up on his stallion and ask if I had a sex toy that I wanted some help testing then, finally, just decided to try it on my own. When recommending the we-vibe to a friend I said “You know, if someone else were sharing this experience with me, I’d just be irritated that they got in the way of the MOST AMAZING ORGASMS OF MY LIFE.”
So, to sum up my experience with the we-vibe, I refer you to a tweet I wrote earlier this evening:
I got a new vibrator and now have to have talks w/myself about why it’s important to leave the house sometimes.
Break your piggy bank, sell a kidney, take out a second mortgage, or just tell your husband or boyfriend that if he buys it for you, you both win. Do it.
And, if you aren’t already reading ToyWithMe.com, you are missing out on great writers waxing poetic (and hilarious) about my favorite subject. Do that, too.
Ooh, and courtesy of TheMouthyHousewives.com, whose party I attended at BlogHer, my hot UPS guy delivered an LG vacuum to my door the other day. Housework is like Abu Ghraib to me, but without the fun photo ops, so, to be honest, it’s still wrapped and in the box, but it looks sweet as crap and I kind of can’t wait to try it.
When it arrived, I texted a friend with the news. I also told him that I had all hardwood floors (which the box claims it still cleans efficiently) and that I hate housework.
“So you won $400 worth of ironic comedy?”
Yes.
HeatherVonsj@gmail.com
Twitter: MFA_Mama
/ Sep 26 2010
Okay this is going to sound odd, but I’m kinda jealous.
See, Sandy gave me one of those things too and I pretty much concur with everything you said about it but Hotter? Is very “meh” on the thing. In fact, he may actually be a little scared of it. He calls it the “cootchie clamp.” And since he’s disabled and I work from home we’re together all. the. time. which is great except that it’s a small house and I CAN’T PRACTICE THE SOLITARY VICE IN PEACE, DAMMIT. Not that he doesn’t put out, because he does, but…yeah.
I told you it was going to sound odd.
My we-vibe and I are like Heloise and Abelaard up in this piece.
MFA Mama´s last [type] ..caption this and win a prize! ETA
Twitter: laurenacarlton
/ Sep 27 2010
I want one! Also, I fucking love you.
Twitter: dangermousette
/ Sep 27 2010
Maybe it’s a sign that my age is catching up on me, but I would rather have the vacuum cleaner!
Annie (Lady M) x´s last [type] ..This is a mish-mash but has something to do with Loughborough
Twitter: jennytalia2009
/ Sep 27 2010
I clicked on your link to the site & if the ad for that isn’t the funniest fucking (sign language) shit ad I’ve ever seen (I had the volume down)
So yeah, I ordered one
x
Jenny Talia´s last [type] ..interweb buds
Twitter: toywithme
/ Sep 27 2010
*swoon* You Love Me! That just made my Monday
You are one amazingly hot mama and it was love at first site for me. Thanks for the shout out! You’re more adorable then a litter of puppies. *muah*
toywithme´s last [type] ..Girl On Girl Action Isn’t For Me
Twitter: x_rook_x
/ Sep 28 2010
Oh god, so I actually saw that featured somewhere else. Somewhere not as cool as the We-Vibe website. I dunno, it was like liberator’s “‘Two chicks and a black guy who won’t stop talking about how small his penis is’ sex chat hour.” Or something like that. And like, they didn’t really explain how to use it, so for a while, I was pretty much convinced that it was both an anal and vaginal vibrator, which I’ll be the first person to admit, that seemed to intrigue me more. But also was kind of scary because any time anal play is involved, I’m always wondering
WHAT IF… something happens and there’s something lodged in my ass. It’s not like my vagina. I don’t have a cervix in my butt. There is no “Wait and gravity will fix the problem” that there is with other things.
I’m perpetually terrified of a trip to the hospital where all I can do is shrug when the doctor asks me WHY something is stuck three feet up my colon.
TMI? Probably.
That being said I totally need a new vibe. The last one I bought was the most ghetto thing ever that was supposed to be good for G-spot stimulation but its stupidly hard plastic. We’re talking like… No flexibility. At all. Maybe I’ll give We-Vibe a try when I stop being super poor.
Rook´s last [type] ..Nothing of Interest-crap update
Okay, I am not knocking the we-vibe, or any other toys, for that matter. But for me? I don’t see why I can’t just use my hand. How / why is a vibrator better? Especially when the hand is free. And silent.
The Sweetest´s last [type] ..Since When Is It Not Okay To Have Feelings