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Dear Mom: Don’t Read This Post. Love, Me

February 4, 2017

So, one of the lovely women I met in person at BlogHer, but was already a fan of, asked if I would take home a, ahem, marital aid that she was pimping, and then link to the, ahem, marital aid company on my site. Now, as much as Id sell out like an American Idol contestant for so much as a sandwich, that sort of thing is usually not my cup of tea. Believe it or not, Im awkwardly sex goddessy enough that Ive been asked before and politely declined, by which I meant havent returned any of the emails Ive received. However, I love love love Sandy at ToyWithMe.com on a deeply personal level, PLUS she held a demo model against my arm and I felt the power of her buzzing beauty and I just couldnt resist. Plus, shes a redhead so, you know, me-ow.

Heres the link (the only requirement): we-vibe.com

This heres all Jen: Dudes, this vibrator is so amazing that youll think Whatever, FYM, we know youre easy so why should we trust you? Im mean, WERE not easy but youd totally be missing out. Its all buzzy on the inside AND the outside and I need A LOT of buzz because I maybe self love kind of frequently and its got power to spare. The site SAYS the we-vibe is for couples and I see how it could be and would be just fab but Im not currently in a humping relationship so I didnt try it out for a long time, just waiting for Prince Charming to ride up on his stallion and ask if I had a sex toy that I wanted some help testing then, finally, just decided to try it on my own. When recommending the we-vibe to a friend I said You know, if someone else were sharing this experience with me, Id just be irritated that they got in the way of the MOST AMAZING ORGASMS OF MY LIFE.

So, to sum up my experience with the we-vibe, I refer you to a tweet I wrote earlier this evening:

I got a new vibrator and now have to have talks w/myself about why its important to leave the house sometimes.

Break your piggy bank, sell a kidney, take out a second mortgage, or just tell your husband or boyfriend that if he buys it for you, you both win. Do it.

And, if you arent already reading ToyWithMe.com, you are missing out on great writers waxing poetic (and hilarious) about my favorite subject. Do that, too.

Ooh, and courtesy of TheMouthyHousewives.com, whose party I attended at BlogHer, my hot UPS guy delivered an LG vacuum to my door the other day. Housework is like Abu Ghraib to me, but without the fun photo ops, so, to be honest, its still wrapped and in the box, but it looks sweet as crap and I kind of cant wait to try it.

When it arrived, I texted a friend with the news. I also told him that I had all hardwood floors (which the box claims it still cleans efficiently) and that I hate housework.

So you won $400 worth of ironic comedy?



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