When I was just out of my teens, the universe, in its infinite and mysterious wisdom, saw fit to trust me with two babies. Sixteen years later, we are all still alive. As wished for by my mother, Ive ended up with smartasses, just like me. Stories ensue.

The Cast:
Me: Short, Chubby, Brunette. Mom, Checkout Girl, Writer, Crafty Bitch. Fond of dirty jokes and dirty words. Obsessed with pop culture and cartoons. Born without the little voice in my head that should tell me when something is inappropriate to say. Completely unqualified to parent.

Teen Boy: Tall, Thin, Long Dark Blond Hair. Smart, Serious, Introverted, Clumsy. Musically inclined with hand/eye coordination like whoa. Hates to clean his room, loves pizza and Dr. Pepper. Occasional glimpses of the man he will be are awe-inspiring.

Teen Girl: Tall, Thin, Blond. Popular, Pragmatic, Precocious, Verbose. Quick to point out others mistakes. Also quick to forgive those mistakes, as long as the person is well-aware that they are making them. Never forgets anything. Ever.

My official entertainment bio, which is braggy:

Jennifer Lemons is a writer, comedian, and storyteller, living on the East Coast.

She is the author of the popular series 100 Bad Dates that appeared on RVA News.com, and currently writes the weekly column Off The Clock for the same site. A regular contributor to Belle, Style Weeklys monthly magazine for women, and a featured blogger for Dodson and Ross, a sex positive website created by sex educator, author, and artist, Betty Dodson.

In addition to writing, Jennifer loves to tell jokes. She has a twitter following over 5,000 strong as The Checkout Girl. She was voted Best Local Twitter Feed by the readers of Richmond Magazine in their Best & Worst 2010 issue, Best Female Twitterer in the RVA News.coms RVA Internet Awards, as well as Best Local Undiscovered Twitter Feed by the readers of Style Weekly in their Best of Richmond 2011 issue, and is listed as one of Our Favorite Comedians by popular comedy website FunnyOrDie.com. She was also a speaker on Social Media Club of Richmonds panel about alter-egos in media.

Jennifer also loves to be on stage. She was a featured performer in Richmond Comedy Coalitions series Richmond Famous, which was reviewed by Style Magazine. She was a headliner in Prisoners of Love, a one night only live comedy/storytelling show about doomed relationships. She is currently writing Loosely Based On A Real Girl, a one-woman show, set to debut October 2011.

Got something to say? Email me at motherhood.com@yahoo.com.

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